Recently, Kids in Barcelona asked Ivan to share his thoughts on parenting in BCN. 

Take two and a half years in Madrid as a young man, three years wanting to escape from small-town Canada and add an inclination for adventure and you get a family of three flying into Barcelona this past June. And one big question asked time and time again: “Why would you move to Barcelona with children?”

So, I am a father and I want to relate about what it means to have kids in Barcelona; but where to start? Firstly, I am not Spanish. Secondly, I am not Catalan. Thirdly, a lot of people in Barcelona would tell me that I got those first two points in the wrong order.

I feel overwhelmed. This isn’t an alien feeling these days as the father of a charming, spirited and lovely 2 ½ year-old child. But this time, it isn’t the challenge of grumpy behaviour, bedtime or finding a changing table in Barcelona that’s daunting me: it’s the task of answering a seemingly simple question that I have been asked time and time again in the past six months: what’s it like living in Barcelona with kids?

Best laid plans
Our carefully devised plan was to sell our house and everything in it, pack our six suitcases and make a new life for our family in Spain. Barcelona was the city we chose based on what we thought it had to offer according to our research and the one three-day trip I had made years before.

Unlike many other expats making the move to Barcelona, I was well aware of the history of Catalonia and the current role of the Catalan language. I had even taken a couple of Catalan courses and become friends with my teacher who provided a lot of information about the cultural life of Spain’s second largest city.

Our decision to relocate to Catalonia was one that we found ourselves defending many times prior to our departure. People in Canada seemed amazed that we would make such a move with a small child. Would the poor little guy have to live in an apartment? (A rarity in a country where – especially in small towns – grass is the most prized possession, at least when placed neatly around a free-standing home of your own.) Wouldn’t he get confused about the language? Where there even things to do with kids in Barcelona? And even, once or twice, a blank look and just the word ‘where?’

Devil may care
We weren’t concerned. Our philosophy about parenthood has always been that we live our lives and Oscar is along for the ride. That doesn’t mean that we avoid the typically child-friendly places – far from it – but it does mean that we don’t shy away from less traditional activities for kids. Oscar has loved restaurants for as long as he has been able to express love of anything. It seems pretty clear that he is enjoying the ride that we are offering and that includes, with the notable exception of the actual flight to Europe, our family move to Barcelona.

Now that we are here, no one seems to think it’s an odd choice. Now that we are a relatively established expat family in Spain, people back in Canada are more curious than incredulous, especially those with kids of their own. Now we get a flurry of detailed questions: are there kids’ parks in Barcelona? What about summer camps? Children’s theatre? What’s childcare in Barcelona like? How does the school system work? And of course: Can we come visit?

To tell the truth, after six months here, we are still figuring out the answers to these and many other questions that keep cropping up. Relocating a family to another country isn’t a straightforward matter. No amount of preparation can tell you what it will actually be like to leave your familiar surroundings (no pun intended) and immerse yourself in another culture. Research and life just don’t compare.

For example, Katie and I were very impressed with the guardaria or nursery school system here in Barcelona before we arrived. In Canada daycare is an expensive, completely unsubsidized situation until children attend school at five or six. As working parents, the idea of a daycare or playschool that is part of the school system really appealed to us. Then, once we got here, we were a bit taken aback by the style in which these services were offered; too structured and rigid to make leaving our toddler there for eight hours a day an option.

A cultural exploration
We loved the cultural offering of Barcelona from afar too, and we still do. But we weren’t prepared for the very different cultural norms when it comes to raising kids. The first time I saw a child not much older than Oscar get a hard slap across the face, I was shocked. More so than the kid, who was obviously used to it. That just wouldn’t happen in Canada, at least not in public.

Of course, every parent is different and I’ve seen lots of parenting that’s left me slack-jawed in Canada and elsewhere too: I won’t judge Catalan parents for the acts of few. But clearly the rules are different here. We haven’t figured them all out yet, but we are catching on.

The thing that we love most about having a child in Barcelona is the independence that kids are given here, at least when it comes to park etiquette. Where we were in Canada (and maybe in all of Canada) the prevailing parenting style is a very protective one. Bumps and falls are often treated as near-death experiences and parents tend to follow their little ones around with tissues, organic cookies and softly cooed phrases at the ready to right every little wrong. When Oscar fell I usually just called over to him to pick himself up and let him come to me for a healing kiss if he felt it was needed, which wasn’t often. That got me some disapproving looks, I can tell you.

Kids here are given much more space for the most part. Of course, the flip side of that is that children in Barcelona seem to be left to their own devices more than I would consider appropriate: things like sharing and name-calling are often left for the kids to figure out for themselves when some adult guidance could really help, for example. All this is just my opinion, of course, and I don’t expect the world – whether in Canada or Spain – to conform to my personal beliefs.

Not just good for the goose
And when it comes down to it, parenthood is a very individual experience, no matter where you live or what your parenting style is. For me, as a father at home – working from home – I seldom meet others who can relate to my personal experience of parenthood. I’m one of the very few men who seem to get to spend so much time with their kids. Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be any different in Barcelona. I’m still outnumbered by mothers everywhere I go. The parenting information that I find is still usually addressed to moms, mums, mummies and mommies; only now you can add mamás to the list. I can ignore that.

I still believe that, apart from the obvious physical considerations of early childhood, gender is irrelevant to parenthood. I haven’t found too many people who agree with me. But then, I haven’t encountered many parents without at least one belief about raising kids that the world disagrees with. All of our kids are unique and so are we.

What is it like living with kids in Barcelona? It’s like living with kids anywhere; hard work and lots of fun. Are there great things to do with kids here? Yes. Absolutely. Are there unique challenges to face for expats? Sure. But wouldn’t there be anywhere? I find that I am better situated to be a thoughtful, patient and engaged parent here because this is where I want to be right now. Katie and I are happy here and that happiness makes us better parents, despite the challenges.

By Ivan Larcombe